Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
