My sheets look like a crime scene.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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