they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
