Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
