I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
