ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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