I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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