yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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