I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
