Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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