he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
