You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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