your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
