My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
