I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
