You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
