I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
