Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
