someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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