Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
