he puts the penis in happiness.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
