I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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