I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
