Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
