So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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