Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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