I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
