i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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