I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
barbara walters just said penis...
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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