it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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