sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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