I'm sorry my penis didn't work
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
two words: eviction party
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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