I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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