just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
