Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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