Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
