I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
