I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Come on in and take your pants off
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