His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
