I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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