i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
