if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
