Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
