K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
