Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
