How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
