Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
