Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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