I will die if light touches me.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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