is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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