He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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