went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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