Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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