i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He passed out mid-signature
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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