My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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