no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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